Heather Sanders

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January 2006



My child needs a leash … no really, he does

Written by , Posted in Everything Else, Kids and Parenting

My child needs a leash

Yesterday I seriously speculated the question, “Are leashes just for dogs?” To all leash-bearing mothers across the globe, please accept my sincere apology; I beg your forgiveness. I have, in the past, placed judgment upon you – assuming you were a weak mother with poor training skills. Now personal experience has changed my perspective and I have to admit you are NOT weak, but instead, you are simply genius and I’ve been enlightened.

Why have I reached this conclusion? Because yesterday, while shopping for fabric with my aunt, Kenny turned in to what can only be described as the Tasmanian Devil on Crack.

When we started out I dared to blame it on the caramel corn, but after 4 hours of sheer frustration, I was convinced he was possessed and made a mental note to plan an exorcism and invite all my praying neighbors with crosses in hand.

You think I’m joking, right?

Internet, at one point when I told him that “No, you cannot crawl up the side of the fabric wall and where did you get those scissors?”, I swear his head twisted ALL THE WAY AROUND and then rocketed off his neck, hitting something like eight 70 year old women before it rested back on his head backwards – and then, of course, there was the dilemma of turning it back around. Nasty business.

All the while the old women were smiling to themselves in a wicked way that usually would tick me off, but left me wondering if they were witches themselves, and maybe they would know if garlic would work or if that was just for vampires.

The demon fell asleep for the ride home, but awoke recharged once we reached his sisters’ school and was in full form when we walked back through the door at home. Geez, I couldn’t even get him to settle down with Cheese Bits – and that usually captivates him for, y’know, at least one-tenth of a millisecond.

Edited to add that I’m taking solace in other momma blogs that are experiencing THE SAME EXACT THING. I want to put out a warning. “Mothers, WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!” Watch your children…watch them closely – their eyes are not supposed to roll back like that.

Heather Sanders