Weighing In: Week 4 – Facing the Facts
I did not lose or gain this week. Why? Hmmm… Because I’m not doing enough about it, that’s what.
I am, in essence, rebelling against my own will to get healthier. I am sabotaging myself. I am being lazy. I am working long hours. I am imbalanced. I am sick. Any of those might fit the occasion. You know what I’ve figured out is the biggest “reason” I’m not losing weight though?
I’m a brat and I’m selfish.
I want what I want, when I want it – which is usually NOW.
I’m seeing that there is a huge amount of selfishness in being obese. I am using the word obese, because when one is 80 to 100 lbs. overweight to NOT use the word obese is like staring at a fish and calling it a horse.
If you are 80 to 100 lbs. overweight, you too are obese. And most likely, you too are selfish.
Understandably there are MEDICAL CONDITIONS that do exist that require me to say there are exceptions to my broad, sweeping statement, but FOR THE MOST PART the only medical condition most of us overweighters have is selfish-itus. If you’d prefer a more PC label, you can use “morbidly obese” but I personally think that sounds like I’m already dead. I’m not already dead – I’m just a heart attack waiting for the right moment. There’s also “severely obese” – my body shape and fat make-up falls more into that category.
Before you start sending me hate mail, think about it. I’m talkin about ME FIRST. I am obese, therefore I can talk about this subject. If I was skinny – then you could slam me, but I’m not.
If you, like me, have managed to find an amazing man to love, marry and bear children with, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have children who love and depend on you, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have immediate and extended family that loves you, you are selfish for being obese.
It is selfish. It is choosing sugar in my coffee over the possibility of seeing my grandchildren. It is choosing “just one more bite” over being able to have monkey sex with my husband (you can’t erotically swing from chandeliers if you are obese). It is choosing ROUTE 44 SONIC CHERRY COKES over being able to participate in your child’s Fun Run, Jump Rope for Heart, Turkey Trot, Track ‘n Field.
IT IS CHOOSING YOURSELF OVER EVERYTHING ELSE.
Revelations hurt, do they not? They are both painful to absorb and painful to consider changing.
I’ve lived this way my whole life. I’ve managed through some pretty heavy stressors with the help of food. It has been there when I’m crying. It has been there when I’m laughing. It has been there when I’m alone. It has been there when I was far from home. It has been there as I mourn. It has been there when I’m bored. I could eat it in a box, I could eat it with a fox … oh wait … that’s Dr.Seuss. ANYWAY…
Today I went to our local gym where thin people walk around in stretchy spandex, and unlike at Wal*fart, they look good. I was totally and completely intimidated. I asked for, and received, very agreeable rates. I’m going to join. I’m going to go. I’m going to work with a personal trainer to develop a routine that I can manage.
I want to pee myself I’m so scared.
But? This will not beat me.
IT WILL NOT BEAT ME.
Because if it beats me? It beats my husband, my kids, my parents, my extended family, my friends …
Winner takes all.