Whole30: Day 04 – Roller Coaster
Hallelujah! Day 4 began without any stomach pain; wait, that’s a lie. I did wake up thinking my stomach was sore, but then realized I WAS STARVING.
It is unusual for me to wake up with an appetite, so after a quick shower, I remedied the situation with my rendition of Michelle Tam’s Asian Cauliflower Fried Rice by combining the Cauliflower Rice Pilaf leftovers from Day 2 with sautéed (in coconut oil) yellow & orange bell peppers, mushrooms, and onions. I also fried and sliced a thin egg omelet and tossed it atop the concoction with a few jalapeños.
It was delicious, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so; Emelie and her friend Madison had the same breakfast (only they woke up and ate several hours later…teenagers).
With morning dishes washed up and coffee at hand, I sat down to write/publish my Whole30: Day 3 post. Being a day ahead of the blog posts has worked out well. Knowing I pushed through another day, and then gathering my thoughts to write about it, is therapeutic. However, it’s much harder to write about it than I anticipated simply because it is so.very.difficult.to.be.THIS.transparent.
For instance, after eating a satisfying breakfast, I saw a promotion email for Starbuck’s and actually grieved for the “free coffee with any breakfast sandwich” promotion. And please understand, when I say I “grieved”, I mean I felt a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes, and wondered what kind of life I could expect without my favorite foods.
I may even have told The Lord he could come back ANY TIME because I no longer needed Him to hold off until after my kids were married, and I had grandkids (don’t laugh…I’m not the only one who has had these conversations with Jesus).
But, I’m still here, so apparently He has more for me to do; as in STOP LIVING TO EAT and START EATING TO LIVE.
Then, the universe swallowed me, whole–and spit me back out.
Getting a grip on myself, I brushed my teeth, poured a cool glass of water, and set to work. Or rather, TRIED to set to work. Unfortunately, my computer’s hard drive decided to crash EVERY SINGLE TIME I TOUCHED A SINGLE LAYER IN PHOTOSHOP.
Naturally, I was calm, cool, and collected.
NO! I was angry. I was furious. I JUST WANTED TO WORK–especially after being so unproductive with the detox stomach cramps from the day before.
Do you see the roller coaster yet?
It was a long, winding, escalating and plummeting ride that included a minimum of 20 Photoshop crashes, an Apple support call, a debate about chores with my kids, and the realization that I was not going to hit my deadlines this week–this Spring Break week when ALL DEADLINES NEEDED TO BE MET.
Bundles of tears and thoughts of throwing my laptop through a wall, window, or…the UNIVERSE consumed me.
At some point, I ate lunch (dinner leftovers from Day 3) and revisited The Whole30 Timeline for Day 4, which funnily enough said “Even experienced Whole30ers go through this phase. Every nerve is lit, temperance is non-existent and the only solution to the problem seems to be to Kill All of the Things.”
I could NOT have put it better myself.
Nerves lit? Check.
Temper dissolving with each Photoshop crash? Check.
Want to ram fist (or better yet, computer) through wall? Check.
I needed dark chocolate and red wine, stat.
My life depended on it; I was certain of it.
Finally, an unexpected rescue.
Once again, Jeff helped me prepare dinner–which went smoothly because the onions were already diced, the meat was already browned, and the cauliflower was in steam fresh microwave bags (don’t judge).
We pureed the cauliflower with our new food processor, which worked magnificently. The best part? EVERYONE LOVED DINNER. I’m telling you; it was INHALED. Emelie made substitutions for the chili but enjoyed the mashed cauliflower.
I’m slowly working my way through the Well Fed recipes, but this is DEFINITELY one we’ll eat again…and again.
After dinner, my day’s roller coaster ride docked, and I felt overwhelmingly exhausted but surprisingly calm. I went to bed thinking about addiction and the hold it has on me and others.
Change is hard. Very, very hard.