Originally published October 12, 2015.
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“The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us. ”
— A.W. Tozer
When I sat down to write this post 1 1/2 years ago, I had no idea where I would be right now.
I was struggling to find my purpose for writing.
And I thought — though I was still prayer journaling about it — that at my very core my biggest fear was losing my voice and coupled with that, I just knew that the internet would forget about me.
And I did.
And it did.
And yet, all is still well with the world.
For SEVEN years, I wrote about Homeschooling on The Pioneer Woman’s blog, a blog with millions of readers — readers who watched, read, commented and supported our family’s homeschooling choice.
It was a great adventure.
I knew my mission.
I knew my voice.
My writing purpose was clear.
And then, it wasn’t.
Ree shifted her blog’s focus, which made sense for her brand (so please don’t read me saying otherwise). She archived the Homeschooling section, along with a couple of her other sections, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this shift shook my world.
Was I not ready to leave behind the homeschooling community and move on to write about something else?
Yes, because at that time I had one high school graduate, one high school sophomore, and one eighth-grader. The two still in school were capable learners and needed me much less. By default, I was no longer in the same place as many of my readers who were just starting to homeschool, and I began feeling the gentle tug to move into a different season of writing.
No, because I had not worked out my next step, exactly.
And by exactly, I mean to say, I had no clue.
Fortunately, I did find a full-time job — and for that I’m thankful. Almost two years out from that change, and I can reasonably say it has been an enormous adjustment.
Before I go too much farther, I don’t want you to think I struggled to find my value or worth.
That’s entirely different; I didn’t then, and I don’t now.
I know who I am. I am a lover of Christ Jesus, and by His grace, I’m completely secure and at peace with my value and worth as HIS child.
I strive toward complete honesty with myself — and most especially with the Lord. So, I wrote the following two questions in my prayer journal:
“What’s the struggle? What do I fear?”
And this is what I discovered back then:
- I feared not understanding the “What now?”
- I feared not having a voice after years of having a voice.
- I feared getting lost in the vastness of the internet and being forgotten.
Each of those is a valid fear.
Every day — sometimes multiple times of day, even — I use my prayer journal to ask God for direction.
I ask for the “What now?” I mentioned earlier.
It’s not clear yet.
In my Ladies Bible Study at church, we’re working through Sheila Walsh’s The Storm Inside.
In this week’s lesson, we delve into the few glimpses the Bible gives us about Mary Magdelene. If you don’t remember her, she was the woman who faithfully followed Jesus after He saved her from demon possession (Luke 8:1-3).
One of the lesson questions asked, “In your own life, what do you need to leave behind to Jesus’ healing touch in order to step forward in bold faith?”
I wrote that question in my prayer journal, and I worked through that answer then, and I continue even now because I never want anything to hold me back from stepping forward in bold faith.
What about you? What do you need to leave behind?
It’s a personal question, I know.
But I promise if you write the answer to that question in the comments, or send it to me via email, I will pray for you.
I’ll write a prayer just for you in my prayer journal — lifting your name up to the One who casts out all fears and heals all wounds.
It’s the most powerful way I’ve learned to pray yet.
And I’d love it if you’d pray for me too.
Because I want to leave behind my fear, trusting He will answer in His perfect timing. And specifically, that whatever the answers are, I can rest in them — praising Him and singing, it is well with my soul.
But maybe you don’t want to tell me your fears. Then, can I encourage you to tell Him?
Download the FREE prayer journaling guide below and use it to start a journey of laying your burdens at His feet.
You’ll have all the privacy you want and need with the added benefit of building an ongoing daily discipline of staying in His Word and on your knees.